Just A Newlywed Who Learned

Marriage, as people often say, isn't just about love. It's about learning to love, not only when everything feels easy and romantic, but especially when things get hard, 

when egos clash, 

when silence stretches longer than it should, 

and when patience becomes a daily practice.

As we’re approaching our first year, I’ve been reflecting a lot.

My mom said in our nasihat pernikahan “Harus sabar. Kalau udah habis gimana? Ya sabarnya ditambah lagi. Abis itu? Sabarnya ditambah lagi, pokoknya sabar, sabar, sabar yang harus ditambah terus”

& turns out, marriage involves a significant amount of forgiveness.

And not always the loud, dramatic kind. Sometimes forgiveness looks like quiet understanding. Like choosing not to respond harshly. Like a hand reaching out in the middle of the night. Like staying, despite everything.

Sometimes I find us both weird, in a sweet, mismatched, "how-did-we-end-up-here" kind of way.

He gives the silent treatment… but he forgives more than he says.
She’s a drama queen… but she solves almost every problem that comes her way.

He doesn’t always open up… but he never starts a fight.
She easily cries. But she gets things done, even in the middle of the mess.

And the truth is… we both don’t have deep-rooted family issues.
We weren’t shaped by trauma or neglect.
We were raised with love. Our parents poured into us with full hearts and open hands.
There’s no big scar we’re trying to heal.

But even so — even with all that love behind us,
we still struggle to find the rhyme in living together.
Not because something is broken,
But because togetherness — real, everyday, ordinary togetherness — is still a language we’re both learning.

No one really prepares you for how much learning it takes to simply be with someone.
To build a life in the quiet space between two different ways of being.

And still, we find ourselves saying “I love you” almost every day,
yet somehow still slipping in that classic line:
“Kamu sayang aku ngga?”
in the middle of a random convo.

Maybe that's just how humans work.
We want to be reminded — not just once, not just with words, but again and again, through presence, through effort, through the way we keep showing up.
Maybe that’s what love really is:

Because love isn’t just about romance or sweet gestures or being best friends.
It’s not about having amazing sex all the time, or never fighting, or splitting household labor equally

The truth is: it’s not those things that make or break a relationship.
It’s how we handle the hard stuff.
The inevitable fights.
The differences in how we process pain, or express needs, or don’t always say what we mean.
Not the absence of conflict, but the courage to stay soft in the middle of it.
Not about always being right, but about being willing to reach out, even when we’re tired or annoyed.
And maybe… maybe that’s where love really grows.
In the awkward, messy, human parts.
In choosing each other, not because it’s perfect, but because it’s real.

The first year has taught me so much — but maybe the biggest lesson is this:
Love is not just a feeling.
It’s a decision we make, over and over, every single day.
Hope we always stay this way, still choosing each other.
Tomorrow. And the day after that.