About Yesterday
Makassar,
dalam sejarah perantauanku, ini termasuk ke special case dalam rantau merantau.
Sama halnya seperti kota lain, aku memilih secara sadar dan tanpa paksaan. Pun sampai detik ini, aku tidak menyesali keputusan yang menurut orang-orang
"Mikir ngga sih Makassar tuh jauh banget?"
"Kamu tuh beneran sadar kan pas mau berangkat ke Makassar? disana ngga ada siapa-siapa loh, tir"
Exactly. Mungkin papa ibuku udah ngga ada energi ya buat ngelarang-ngelarang dan nahan aku pergi, karena mau seberapa keras dilarang,
I always have reason(s) why i need to go, even for a while.
& yes, it's such a special case for me.
Untuk pertama kalinya aku ngerasa sangat kecil dan minder di kota ini. I'm feeling like I got a social anxiety in this city.
the feeling were like excessive fear of situations in which one may be judged, worry about embarrassment or humiliation or concern about offending someone.
Makanya, semenjak disini aku jadi rajin nelfon dan ditelfon teman-temanku, karena mereka tau akhirnya aku cuma butuh temen bicara aja untuk less worried.
there were a night i was crying a river cause i am just too afraid of losing myself. There were a day i was surrounded by soooo many people but still, feeling alone.
This hits me so hard, karena ngga biasa-biasanya aku ketakutan gini.
Indeed, the city was beautiful. Strolling around Makassar always heartwarming. The food's always greaaaaat, like so great, highly recommended.
And the people, aku cuma punya dua orang yang sangat kupercayai disini dan mereka bener-bener baik. Sebaik itu. I am not feeling less.
Akhirnya aku merenungi disela-sela deadline yang ntah kenapa sangat kusenangi selama disini, kenapa ya Makassar secara magis membuatku seminder ini?
Apa karena culture gap yang aku alami sangat besar jadi aku selalu malu menunjukkan siapa diriku disini.
Apa karena aku ngerasa minoritas ketika orang terlihat sangat ngga nyaman kalo ngobrol sama aku
Apa karena aku yang ngga enak aja pas ngga masuk ke jokes-jokes tertentu.
Sebenernya ini ngga penting-penting banget, karena personal dilemma biasa terjadi di suatu perpindahan.
Tapi dari semua pergojalakan batin yang kualami dengan diriku sendiri, Makassar bikin aku sadar;
Mau seberapa beratnya berusaha untuk mingle disini, aku selalu suka waktu-waktuku di kantor, waktu-waktu mengejar deadline, waktu-waktu merenung di motor, waktu-waktu maskeran di kosan wkwk i still love every single activity that i do here.
See? It means nothing. Ketika kamu punya tujuan dan hal yang dilakukan, society won't stop you.
Waah, I re-read the draft on my blog that titled as "such a quickpost"
a quickpost that i never post wkwkwk
I re-read this cause at first, i wanna write some writes about the book i currently reading. But i jumped into this draft.
How i see myself clueless and reckless at the same time, pukpuk tiara wkwk at least you make it through.
So, i think i wanna make this draft is post-able enough, by making an adding note at the end.
After months back to Medan, I'm figuring out something,
days back then, I am just not ready yet. The gap and the shock was hitting me so reaaaal. Fear. Clueless. Insecurity. All in one package.
It wasnt about the city or the people,
it was just me, who wasnt ready yet.
So yea, here some captures of Sulawesi. It was just damn beautiful i cannot!!!!!!!!!!
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| My first photo at MKS! pap foto kalo sudah sampe bandara wkwk |
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| pap coto pertamaku!! once again, makanan2nya super enak2, bingung bgt tolong |
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| Bulukumba is lit!!!!!!!!!! |
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| my favorite escape |
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| Seperti turis pada umumnya, Pantai Losari ladies and gentlemen |
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| Definisi abis bersenang-senang, terbitlah dedlen-dedlens |
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| accidentally blue! If i could thank Makassar, i thank for the two person above & oh yes, + Siddiq whose isnt in frame |
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| Last but the least, MKS WILL MEAN NOTHING WITHOUT THEM! <3 |
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